Desert Streams Monthly E Newsletter
Understanding the importance of Attachment
As people we are all hungry for connection, and attachment in relationship. That is because we are designed by our creator, who created us to be in relationship with Him throughout our lives and to be in relationship with those around us. God designed us to be connected to him and to those He has placed in our lives. Science is understanding this more and more through research, we are hardwired for other people to connect with and for connectedness to a “higher power”. Meeting these basic needs for connection is essential to health and to humans flourishing. There are two questions that all of us instinctively ask ourselves in our lives:
1. Am I worthy of love?
2. Are others capable of loving me?
Based on these 2 questions we all ask ourselves, researchers have used the answers to these questions to develop 4 categories for understanding our attachment style. The 4 styles are:
Secure: this is one who holds a positive view of themselves and others. They do believe they are worthy of love and that others are accessible and capable when they need them. Secure people are comfortable with both closeness and independence. they tend to have healthy means of coping with stress.
Anxious: this is one who holds a negative view of themselves and an unrealistic positive view of others. They are usually anxious in relationships and have an unhealthy fear of abandonment because they believe they are not worthy of love. They tend to have low sense of self-worth, are afraid of rejection, crave closeness and are obsessively worried, needy and clingy in their closest relationships.
Avoidant: this is one in which they have an overly positive view of themselves, but an excessively negative view of others. They are avoidant and uncomfortable with closeness and tend to become overly self-reliant because they do not believe others will be there for them. They tend to have an overinflated sense of self-worth.
Fearful: this is one who has both a negative view of self and others. These individuals have a very difficult time with intimacy and closeness and often avoid relationships all together. These individuals seek acceptance and self-worth from others, but fear that others are not capable of meeting their needs.
Understanding our attachment style and type also gives us insight into how we relate with the Lord. We tend to formulate our attachment style from our early upbringing, which then influence how we relate to the Lord. Gaining insight into our attachment style and doing the necessary work internally to move to a more secure relationship style can help us in relationships with others as well as help our relationship with the Lord flourish in a healthy way.
To learn more about this topic, God Attachment by Tim Clinton and Joshua Straub is an excellent read to gain more insight.
Respectfully submitted, Pam Stinchcomb, LMSW