Have you ever had those moments, days, weeks where you wondered about your worth? In this world today there are so many demands, and the pressure is paramount. If everything on the check lists doesn’t get completed, it is hard to not go down the trail of questioning your ability to measure up, whether you are good enough, or if you have any worth at all. I have been there. As a mom of two girls who is married and works a full time job, I have been there when my self-defeating thoughts start as a small voice, then rumble in my soul, until they quickly become my everyday dialogue that becomes inescapable in my own strength. It is in those times that I have crumbled and cried, balled up weeping thinking that there is no way out of my feeling, so I desperately pray and hope for change.
This is a place that has been too familiar to me over the past few years and many times I have revisited this space, but when I hear just a small piece of affirmation, my heart leaps and I can begin to hold onto that thread of hope. I have learned that when we are in these dark and dismal, hopeless spaces, we often discount, forget, and tune out those rays of hope. It is easy to sit in self-wallowing and continue to play victim to life that truly isn’t as dark as we make it. I am blessed to have people in my life that seem to speak Truths to me in these times, like my husband, friends, mentors, and family. There are times though that their words aren’t enough to break through the hurt that I am feeling. It is in those times that the still and small, but powerful Voice of God sneaks in. He begins to whisper His promises into my life and remind me of who He made me to be. He begins to remind me that nothing else matters in this life except for what He knows and believes me to be. God loves me! That is Truth and without it I crumble into my broken self easily and there isn’t a way out. When I open my ears and allow Him to speak, there begins to be hope for tomorrow and I begin to see a bit more light in my future.
As I have spent time in Scripture more, I have been learning of God’s true nature and the beautiful traits that He is. He is a god who makes promises and follows through on them. He is a god who doesn’t abandon but draws near to us when we are in need and are scared. He is there in the midst of our worry and the self-defeating thoughts that accompany that worry. God is sovereign. I didn’t understand that word fully until this year as I have been reading His Word. It means that God is in charge and no matter what we do, or what we don’t do, God’s plan and goodness will prevail! Amen! That sure begins to lift the pressures that I have built on myself to have to be perfect, have it all together, and thrive in life while also giving of myself to everything and everyone around me. God is also a jealous god. He wants us. Yes, us. You and me in all of our brokenness, He wants us as we are. Scripture talks about His value for us when it says in Matthew 10:31, “Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” He also shows His value for us and the people we are and lives we have in Jeremiah 29:11 when he says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” He values us and believes we are worthy of His blessings. One of my favorite passages, that sings of my worth to God, is Matthew 6:25-34. In this passage, we are reminded that it doesn’t matter how much we fuss over being and appearing perfect, God values us and is intimately interested in the details of our lives. He clothes the flowers with indescribable beauty and many times this beauty is unseen by human eyes. He cares for us more than the flowers and is proud and in love with us. The raw form of us in all our perceived mess. He believes we are beautiful, and he loves us without condition. What a ray of hope and Truth to cover my self-defeating thoughts and messages! Rest in the promises that God lays on you and allow yourself to feel the freedom that comes from releasing the self-defeat.
Amanda is an experienced Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a passion for building deep connections and walking with people through difficult experiences. She is a wife and mother of 2 beautiful girls. Having lived in several different Southern and Midwest states, family, friends, coffee and the outdoors are some of her favorite things.